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arhi ff: without you... chapter 22, page 30, updated 29/4

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Re: arhi ff: without you... chapter 22, page 30, updated 29/4

Post by A.N.Jell_Zarina on 2013-12-12, 07:53


Oh my god!!! That was his mother... I bow down to this encounter indi di... Where his subconscious mind, comatized heart, took him...to his mumma!!! How he derived 'khushi', his happiness from her...i m in long awww...
Wish to remain there...This is the BEST PART so far...i just cant get enough of it...
Thanks for keeping khushi live as she always is...she had/has to be...n she did it..she made it..he made it..they finally made it...he woke up, thanks to heaven...
(it is great u r obident wife n doting mother,the way he woke up is just marvellous...out of the world...thank ur kiddo frm my side as well...i love u)


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Re: arhi ff: without you... chapter 22, page 30, updated 29/4

Post by Abavi on 2013-12-12, 09:09

I loved reading the last chapter. The shifts between flashbacks, her thoughts, his thoughts, present is neatly handled. Even though you dont explicitly mention it, the reader is able to see through it.

Nice one Indi.

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Re: arhi ff: without you... chapter 22, page 30, updated 29/4

Post by indi52 on 2013-12-17, 15:53

Shegarf71 wrote:
Hope to see u soon Indi!! long hug 
And he awakes!!!.....
The beauty that is in the eyes of his beloved...
The memory of each line and curve..
Holds a special place in her heart..
They can never be apart..
Should fate try its fury..
Should man try his ill deeds..
The bond that is shared by them..
With distance grows their love indeed!

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sorry, i disappeared...

maybe i am doing too many things or just plain am growing old and getting slow...

thanks, meenakshi... me love your poem. so lovely. and wo that holi edit. killing me. we are watching holi roght now on a thread... hee, i feel like stealing this.

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Re: arhi ff: without you... chapter 22, page 30, updated 29/4

Post by indi52 on 2013-12-17, 15:56

romail apa g wrote:it was simply amazing ...



hi romail, thanks so much. glad you liked. next chapter coming up.

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Re: arhi ff: without you... chapter 22, page 30, updated 29/4

Post by indi52 on 2013-12-17, 16:01

Maria J wrote:Loved reading this part.. Yay!! finally Arnav is awake.. Heart Heart Party1"



hi maria,

glad you are dancing and leaping. for some reason i can't start message on a fresh slate... so sharing yours. :)

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Re: arhi ff: without you... chapter 22, page 30, updated 29/4

Post by indi52 on 2013-12-17, 16:11

Aasudi wrote:Mora piya moh se bolat naahin...
Dwar jiya ke kholat naahin...
Mora piya moh se bolat naahin...
With "without u", these lines always play in my mind...n ys, there r much more...
Firstly, let me tell u, ur family is awesome threesome (imagine from ASR's voice ;-) )...loved to knw 'how he awakes' is invented...ur story is reflecting ipk much..interesting onscreen n offscreen both...hehe
Chapter 7...finally my two most awaited angle entered...shyam, u wrote very apt...loved it, in the show i was hoping more of shyam after 'arshi fate marriage',that hunger remained unsaturated wth kidnapping track n furthermath...
Lavanya, i do loved her a lot in the show...in a short span of time,she was the most properly summed up char as per me...i always sympathize wth positive shaded one-sided-lovers (thanks to k-dramas) n respect them...lavanya was one such char...
Willing to explore her here too...
As the caller on behalf of shyam is a girl,i m just hoping she is not lavanya...Anjali di's intutions...supportive n loving payal..i m loving the progress in the story..specially, di's n dr. Shahab's part...
Let arnav be silent if it is needed, i m ready to wait...forever..for him to emerge from d dark n color our lives...afterall, its him "sabra ka fal mitha hota hai"...
(now upto chap 8, feeling grt to b bck :-) )


hi sush,
i loved the character of la too and agree with you, a properly summed up character. i don't watch k-dramas, but she felt real, which was great. i can see lots of comments from you, let me go check... thanks for reading and your thoughts... i am so happy the silent one keeps you intrigued and interested. have  afeeling that opening and asr's silence fobbed off many readers, but what to do, that's how the story revealed itself to me.  :) 

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Re: arhi ff: without you... chapter 22, page 30, updated 29/4

Post by indi52 on 2013-12-17, 16:13

Aasudi wrote:
I lay in soft bed of memories,i continue to think us..think of u..
I love u so so much not to let u go, i dont know what shall i do...
Yes,i feel ur warmth at my side, at my insides...
Pain in our heart, moves  along,upto my eyes...
As it is,U look so much faraway still i feel u so near...
U r the sole reason i exist, as i m, i'm still here...
I await the times, my smile adorning ur lips...
When i hear u say those 'i love u damn it!!!'s...
I await the times, together we can walk...
Peaceful paths,holding hands, we will talk...
I want to feel u for real...
so close to me...
Closer than the breathe i take...
These heartbeats i hear...
Open ur eyes,just look at mine...
Wake up the lost dream,of our life...
 

 Heart 

that was so wonderful to read. wake up indeed and bring back the dream.

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Re: arhi ff: without you... chapter 22, page 30, updated 29/4

Post by indi52 on 2013-12-17, 16:15

Aasudi wrote:
Oh my god!!! That was his mother... I bow down to this encounter indi di... Where his subconscious mind, comatized heart, took him...to his mumma!!! How he derived 'khushi', his happiness from her...i m in long awww...
Wish to remain there...This is the BEST PART so far...i just cant get enough of it...
Thanks for keeping khushi live as she always is...she had/has to be...n she did it..she made it..he made it..they finally made it...he woke up, thanks to heaven...
(it is great u r obident wife n doting mother,the way he woke up is just marvellous...out of the world...thank ur kiddo frm my side as well...i love u)



i have no idea what happens to a person in coma... went with my instincts and they went unerringly to agarden. she was therew ith her back to me... i said, nah too dramatic and walked away. couple of days later, i checked and there she was. i had to yield. thanks for liking.

obedient wife ha ha ha ha... now dying of hysteria. will pass love to kiddo.

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Re: arhi ff: without you... chapter 22, page 30, updated 29/4

Post by indi52 on 2013-12-17, 16:17

Abavi wrote:I loved reading the last chapter. The shifts between flashbacks, her thoughts, his thoughts, present is neatly handled. Even though you dont explicitly mention it, the reader is able to see through it.

Nice one Indi.





hi vi, so glad you liked. confusing structure i know, but i have this feeling about us humans, left in amaze we always can find our way out... i am happy you sensed the movement, the flow.

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Re: arhi ff: without you... chapter 22, page 30, updated 29/4

Post by indi52 on 2013-12-17, 16:20

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chapter 9


"what did we hear?
it was the breath we took when we first met.

listen. it is here."
~~~ harold pinter ~~~



"jaa rahi ho?" his voice was soft, husky, with that grain that was his. only his.

she closed her eyes, a rush of blood, crimson, gushing, pounding coursed through her toes, her gut, her head, her ears.

she whirled around.

and looked straight into chocolate brown eyes. glittering.

***

her entire being went dead cold, then everything seemed to come alive in an instant. a pulsating heat in every pore, her ears were ringing, her head felt woozy, and she couldn't breathe. as though if she did inhale or exhale something might shift, something might change, and she couldn't let that happen. it had to be here just this way. nothing must change.

she knew then in her heart, deep down, she had indeed thought he would die.

she would lose him, no matter how hard she tried, how much she spoke, how much she dressed up and went about a day as though all were normal. through almost two months of the strangest days, she'd kept her head as best she could; gathered every shred, every ounce of courage she had; fought back. yet in a tight little dark core had sat this thought.

he would die. death. that terrible hamesha. forever.

her eyes gazed into his. for the longest moment. ever. she hadn't seen his eyes, chocolatey, melting, velvet brown for so many days. and how they sparkled, a light in them. life in them. alive.

he saw her whirl around. he saw her go cold, he felt her breath cease, holding the moment. he held on to her pallu.

who was she? this ethereal beautiful creature? had he seen her before? where had she come from? far away or near?

he was dragging her up the steps of a temple. the night was unforgiving, fires raged within. her wrist was crushed in his grip, her tears flowed, her crimson lehenga studded with a million sequins gleamed, a scream for help? but who was listening.

as fire and the eternal as witness, and in the presence of the night and the winds that howled, the temple bells that rang out timeless words of union, they stood face to face, eye to eye, a man and a woman; caught in a moment where breath would stop and begin.

he thrust a chain of black beads and a touch of pure gold around her neck. she stood still, unable to fathom the claim of a disdained mangalsutra. you are mine, it seemed to say. dismissive fingers took a pinch of vermillion from a ready platter as if someone knew he would come, he would come looking for this one day. he had to hurt her, he had to make her his. you are mine, said his eyes. you are nothing, said his lips, no one to me, just the signs of a wife, but not her place... cruel fingers marked her with red, a sacred streak of sindoor so false. i am the truth, it seemed to say. she had no words...

she was so lovely, all he wanted to do was fold her in his arms and say, "how could you do this to me?"

he wanted to lift her up in his arms and walk down those stairs, drive her to a midnight pool under the stars and make love to her all night. "don't you know how i feel?" he wanted to ask her as he covered her face with a hundred kisses, ran his fingers through her loosened chestnut brown hair, buried his face in their silken wiles, felt her skin melt at his touch. he wanted to hear her silent permission to undo that dori of her tunic, to run his fingers up her arms leaving a trail of goosebumps, to hear her moan when he gazed at her perfect body then took her in love, in only adoration. to hear her sigh when they reached where they'd been coming to all along. ever since that moment in a bright blue morning pool. and a plunge that took them drowning. all the way to breathless.

that endless moment.

he could feel her quivering body, her eyes were tight shut, her long lashes seemed to carry a tremble, he pressed his lips on them. who are you, have i known you before, have i never not known you?

the sunlight gleamed and winked on the bright blue waters.

a large blue metal monster came hurtling out of nowhere, raucous afternoon sun.

"khushi!" desperation mingled with yearning.

***

he was sitting up in bed and pulling her pallu hard all at once. she fell almost on him as she lost balance, his arms reached up urgently and pulled her close in a tight hug, tighter still.

he was shaking, breathing hard, she started getting worried... what was happening to him?

"khushi!" a hoarse whisper, "tum theek ho?"

she wondered what he meant.

"that bus... khushi! i pushed you... are you ok, baby... are you ok, my darling? you're ok, aren't you... why do i always hurt you?"

as he spoke almost incoherent in the turbulence of his feelings, he could see a boy turning away leaving a beautiful woman alone in a garden... but she was smiling. when he looked again, the boy was a man... a man he knew. it was him, arnav singh raizada. and he had to get to that girl on that hot afternoon road, he had pushed her.

"khushi! tum chup kyun ho?" he wanted to hear her voice. so long, for so long he hadn't heard her it seemed. only sometimes in a dream, in a drowsy haze, in some place far far away.

"arnav ji," at last she spoke.

his body eased at the sound of her clear soft yet strong voice. though he held her even closer.

she couldn't believe he was here. sitting up on bed, holding her, talking. she began to smile. no matter what happened, he was here.

that's all that mattered.

she lifted her hand and touched his hair, soft and thick it was and springy to touch, "arnav ji," she said just enjoying saying his name, knowing for sure, he can hear her. her hand explored his head, then traced the ridge of his earlobe, she loved his ears, she loved what happened to him when she nibbled them lightly.

her hand moved down as she stroked his long lean back, gently, yet possessively. her arnav ji, and he was here. the tears had to come at some point she knew and now she could feel one squeezing out of the corner of her eye, flowing down the side of her nose as her head rested on his shoulder, then making its way over the bridge to fall on the nape of his neck. first one, then another, and then...

"tum ro rahi ho?" he had felt the warm saline drops.

she shook her head, averting her face further so he wouldn't see. he pushed her gently away and looked at her, a finger under her chin lifted her face, warm brown eyes gazed into moist dark hazel ones.

"shh, shh," he soothed her, as he brushed the tears away... "i am here, you are safe..."

she smiled at his words. this was the man she loved. he had been practically killed by a rampaging bus, his ribs were broken, there had been damage to some organs, he had just been in a coma for almost two months, yet the moment he comes to, he is the master of the situation, the man in command. he holds her and assures her, she is safe. he is here. always strong, a man of himmat since he was a boy, always there for those he loved.

oh, arnav singh raizada, i just love you madly, she thought. paagalon ki tarah.

"kya?" he asked, as if he'd heard her thought.

"kuch nahin... arnav ji. sirf yeh, bas," she let her arms go back around him and held him close. the two sat there, quiet, it was enough to know the other was there.

but this was not a man known to stay still long. and he'd just been kept captive to this very thing for almost 60 days.

everything in him seemed to want to move, to grab back life, to reclaim dynamism. his limbs wanted to spring out of bed and start doing things, his heart raced with a feeling of freedom, his mind buzzed taking note of all that he'd been away from so long.

matter of habit, his eyes sought out the pool by his room; the ripples, the reflections, his land of thought and reverie. oh it was beautiful to be here... he gave her a little squueze. and for the first time in a long long time, a smile touched the corner of his lips.

he was here and she was in his arms. he pushed her back again and looked at her once more. she saw his smile, that lopsided asr smile, and felt something lodge in her throat. again that feeling she couldn't breathe. really, khushi kumari gupta, she thought, tu kitni nautanki hai, you're such a drama queen, sanaka devi! buaji is right! but try as she might she couldn't pretend she wasn't completely overcome by the feeling of him.

he was alive. he was here. he was holding her. she reached up and pecked him on his cheek. her reward was that sweet smile, the sweetest smile on earth she could have sworn. her diabetic pati dev, with the purest sweetness in him.

he looked at her and wondered how he'd survived without all this so long? or maybe he'd survived just so he could come back and see her loveliness again, feel her innocence soothe him, cocoon him, make him safe. he groaned as he went right back to holding her.

"aap ko kuchh yaad hai?" she asked softly. not wanting to say the wrong thing.

"that bus came out of nowhere, khushi, i pushed you... then all i remember is this, you and me. here. come 'ere you," he said as he pulled her back when she moved away a bit to see his face. she subsided back happily, haan, there was a lot of time to talk.

he felt tiredness hit him suddenly, he had to lie down. he slid back with her still locked in his arms,and turned to lie on his side facing her, her chiffon saree swished and the pallu fell across his face. he picked it up instinctively, sensual, silky spiderweb fine weave, he remembered the feel of chiffon on his face that night at the hotel. she had tripped and tumbled into his arms a moment later. there was a song in the air that night he could have sworn.

why did he feel he could hear it here? today? right now? beautiful song rising and wrapping around them?

"maybe her sanaka has touched me, my paagal biwi," he thought.

"kya?" she said, her face close to his.

"kuch nahi, yeh!" he kissed her on the mouth. soft quivering yeilding lips pressed back aginst his male demanding touch. how much he'd wanted to do that... and for so long. he wouldn't think of all that now. he would just be here, doing what he wanted to do. kiss this gorgeous woman in his arms. long and slow, and he nibbled a little, she squirmed, he rolled on top of her as he tightened his kiss. no more games. you are mine.

she knew she had to stop him. she so wanted to not. absolutely not. but she knew he was not ready for this. not yet. and besides, she had to tell everyone, the entire family had suffered through these days. and di, oh she had to know. and doctor verma had to be called. how come the nurse hadn't come checking yet?

she broke the kiss slowly, lingering just a bit, then unable to help herself she pecked the scar on his eyelid quickly, he smiled thinking she was playing and began to get back...

but no, she stopped him and said with a sweet smile designed to quickly get him away from the heat a moment ago, "main kaise lag rahi hoon?"

how am i looking? he looked at her astounded, what was she doing? she'd taken advantage of that startled moment and wriggled out from under him, she was sitting up in bed, settling her hair, her saree..

"khushi.."

"nahi arnav ji, aap ko bataana hi hoga... how am i looking?

"looking?"

"ji."

"tum bilkul..." he was not going to let her off so easily, he came close and blew on her always errant locks falling over the forehead. she shivered in anticipation. ah, not so easy to play with me, he thought, as he blew ever so lightly once more. "b...b..bilkul...?" she stammered, breath in a mess.

"bilkul brazil ki football team jaisi lag rahi ho..." he smiled broadly and turned away.

"huh? poori team? pehle dilli ki auto rikshaw, ab ek football team? main itni moti hoon kya?" khushi was upset. well not really, but just a bit maybe.

("you look exactly like the brazil football team," he said.
"huh? the entire team? first the delhi auto, now a whole team... what, am i that fat?" khushi replied)

asr burst out laughing. and felt a sharp pain instantly.

***

"ouch!"

"kya hua, arnav ji, kya hua?" khushi was at his side in a second. concern laced with fear.

"nothing, khushi, just a little pain here," he pointed to his ribs. khushi made him lie down and started calling di on the phone. she was at home but khushi wasn't going to leave him alone.

just then, rahim chacha walked in with some fruit juice for khushi.

"khushi bitiya, juice yahan rakkhoon?" he asked and then realised chhotey saab was awake!

without waiting for her reply he left the room and rushed to tell nani ji, on the way, there was op going to mami ji's room with her diet drink of celery and carrot and green apple.

"om prakash, pata hai, chhotey sab uth gaye..." he beamed.

"hain? chhotey saab? uth gaye... jai hanuman ji ki" op grinned, all 32 out, and ran to give the news to mami ji. rahim chacha wondered why op started singing "aaj mausam hai suhana..." under his breath. now where had he heard the song before?...

the older man was not as sharp as he used to be when he was a member of the household staff at sheesh mahal. his duties were mainly to look after chhotey saab and anjali bitiya's father, a sort of butler to him. some of those memories he'd never forget. try as he might.


***

"kya? khushi ji? main abhi aa rahin hoon!" anjali had been making kheer in the kitchen. it was so close to janmashtami. celebration was far from everyone's mind, but anjali didn't have classes today and thought it might be nice to make something chhotey liked and natkhat kanha ji too. she missed her mother today, why she had no idea. as though she was close, very very close. she could almost feel her standing there, smiling at her and chhotey.

she sighed. and her phone rang.

she quickly put a little kheer in a bowl and began to make her way upstairs as fast as she could. the phone rang again.

"miss raizada? doctor verma here," the quiet reassuring baritone of the doctor who'd done all he could to save her brother.

"doctor verma!" she said her voice brimming with joy, "chhotey... i mean arnav... has woken up..."

doctor verma had visited his patient every day for the past two odd weeks, ever since he was moved to shantivan. usually, he'd call miss raizada and find out if the night had gone smoothly, and later after hospital, a quick visit to make sure all was well. he knew it was a waiting game, but he hoped the wait would end soon, for the longer the patient was in coma, the worse the repercussions.

so he was quite prepared to feel a certain sense of satisfaction at hearing arnav singh raizada was awake. what he wasn't prepared for was the surge of happiness he felt at hearing the relief and delight in anjali raizada's voice.

he was taken aback by its force.

"doctor?" anjali was surprised at the silence.

"that's wonderful, miss raizada, i'll be down shortly, " he replied recovering quickly, his voice quite flat in his effort to settle his feelings.

"see you soon..." anjali was too happy to spend too much time wondering about that silence. he was coming, and she was glad to hear that. she went up the stairs...

***

that evening in sheesh mahal, after asr left abruptly, op came to make sure he had taken everything, that nothing was left behind. what was that pink thing lying under the curtain, he thought? his hawk eyes (and ears) rarely missed anything. he found the pink and brown faux leather purse asr had hurled in frustration. then gone back to delhi, away from the disturbing roiling pain of sheesh mahal... its corridors. away from the girl whose face he didn't want to remember but who refused to leave his mind.

op picked up the purse and took it with him to delhi. he put it in the drawer in chhotey saab's wardrobe.

***
arnav singh raizada lay back watching his wife making several calls, she seemed so happy.

and yet that afternoon... the image of the bus crashed in on the moment... what was a blue line bus, practically empty, apart from the driver and one other guy, doing in a narrow lane that afternoon? his mind couldn't stop moving. and why was the guy speeding? couldn't he see khushi trying to cross the road? or was it... no... but that's what it was doing... it was picking up speed even though the driver must have noticed her... such a tiny alleyway... it was no accident.

the truth of that moment hit him. he knew why he had to get well quickly and do something about it.

it was no accident.

his face had obviously started showing signs of the thoughts racing through him, khushi put the phone down... di walked into the room with the kheer and a huge smile... khushi spoke before anjali could say anything...

"arnav ji?..."

clear brown eyes looked at her.

then she heard him say, "khushi, it was not an accident... it was that shyam... it was him." teeth clenched, voice almost guttural, with a red hot edge of edge of gussa.




there are moments in our lives, you can almost swear you heard music, this was one of them for me. my dear friend katelyn the wonderland maker brings rabba ve to this episode. i could never thank her enough. in the middle of hectic schedules, she managed to find what i wanted, edit, and send it just when i needed it. hugs and thanks, dear kate.

sorry about the late update. i want to thank all those who said they were waiting for the next chapter. a reader's appreciation and impatience are precious things. took a bit of time because i wanted to get it right before writing anything. what does a man do when he's come out of a two month long coma? surely he's groggy, disoriented...? maybe he moves between consciousness and semi consciousness...? does his mind go sluggish and soft? can he move or are the muscles so weak he just can't? well, after a lot of cogitating, i decided, this is arnav singh raizada, i'll just trust him and his jhalli babe and go where they take me. we keep saying certain things are unrealistic and this that or the other doesn't happen, yet the longer i live the surer i am that everything and anything can and does happen. hope you enjoyed the chapter. my husband came and read a bit and guffawed unkindly... sweet man. but he was the reason i remembered brazil soccer colours are yellow and green... like the delhi auto rickshaw. hyuk. if you like and leave comments, always grateful. and i do always try and reply, so please check later.



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Re: arhi ff: without you... chapter 22, page 30, updated 29/4

Post by Maria J on 2013-12-17, 16:31

yay !! updated

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Re: arhi ff: without you... chapter 22, page 30, updated 29/4

Post by chichu1 on 2013-12-18, 12:08

indi52 wrote:
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chapter 9


woowww..... awsome  chapter.... really loved it... especially with that background music... perfect...

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Re: arhi ff: without you... chapter 22, page 30, updated 29/4

Post by Shegarf71 on 2013-12-18, 12:51

Dearest Indi,
What an update and so worth it!Loved your take on his coming back from a coma!And yea this is ASR and woh Jo bhi karte hain...whatever he does is his own...  Heart And thanks to your special touch to their love story,how magical it seems!Wow and the power of those edits!Nice job,Katelyn! Brazil ki soccer team...  :P absolutely loved it!

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All I really wanna do is make love to you
Stay in your arms my whole life through
No one can blame me
If that's all I know for sure...

All I really wanna do is say your name
Use my breath for nothing but the same
Now tell me baby
That you really love me too

All I really wanna do is feel your touch
It doesn't matter if I see heaven as much
Next to God is only
When I spend my time with you

All I really want is to see your face
Your precious smile and quiet grace
No I don't wanna
Live in this world..Without you....

SHEGARFS...dedicated to Without you..by Indi

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Re: arhi ff: without you... chapter 22, page 30, updated 29/4

Post by Maria J on 2013-12-18, 15:34

indi52 wrote:
Maria J wrote:Loved reading this part.. Yay!! finally Arnav is awake.. Heart Heart Party1"



hi maria,

glad you are dancing and leaping. for some reason i can't start message on a fresh slate... so sharing yours. :)

Hugs Indi  long hug 

Nice background music for the thread.. Love it  Heart Heart Heart Heart Heart 

The story is going awesome.. Love ur tidbits at the end too..  Starry Love  Starry Love  Starry Love 

The reason u r not able to quote and reply properly is due to formatting issues.. which can be sorted if u click the Switch Editor mode as scene in the below pic

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Re: arhi ff: without you... chapter 22, page 30, updated 29/4

Post by romail apa g on 2013-12-19, 22:50

Wowww he z awake ...and he got it dat it wasnot an accident ......it was attempt o murder ....wohooo ...asr z back wd a big big bang

romail apa g
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Re: arhi ff: without you... chapter 22, page 30, updated 29/4

Post by indi52 on 2013-12-23, 08:42

chichu1 wrote:
indi52 wrote:
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chapter 9


woowww..... awsome  chapter.... really loved it... especially with that background music... perfect...


thank you, chichu... glad you liked...  :)

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Re: arhi ff: without you... chapter 22, page 30, updated 29/4

Post by indi52 on 2013-12-23, 08:46

Shegarf71 wrote:Dearest Indi,
What an update and so worth it!Loved your take on his coming back from a coma!And yea this is ASR and woh Jo bhi karte hain...whatever he does is his own...  Heart And thanks to your special touch to their love story,how magical it seems!Wow and the power of those edits!Nice job,Katelyn! Brazil ki soccer team...  :P absolutely loved it!

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All I really wanna do is make love to you
Stay in your arms my whole life through
No one can blame me
If that's all I know for sure...

All I really wanna do is say your name
Use my breath for nothing but the same
Now tell me baby
That you really love me too

All I really wanna do is feel your touch
It doesn't matter if I see heaven as much
Next to God is only
When I spend my time with you

All I really want is to see your face
Your precious smile and quiet grace
No I don't wanna
Live in this world..Without you....

SHEGARFS...dedicated to Without you..by Indi
meenakshi,

this poem is just spellbinding. thanks so much so much. may i please add it to without you? 

i am glad you are enjoying... without you is a slow tale, as i wrote on IF, not enough sex, a bit too wordy, ponderous at times, i am glad if anyone reads it. i notice dwindling likes... but i have this love for without you... i want to stay with it, go where asr and khushi seem to want to go... thanks so so much for bothering to read and oh i love your poems... this one for my story... mmmm. such a good feeling.

i just added the poem to chapter 18, the latest... heres' what i wrote... 




adding on 23 december...




feel lunatically happy at times. like now. friend of mine read chapter 9 on another forum and sent this. this is where asr retrns from coma. felt like a christmas present for without you. am posting here. have fun. shegarfs and i met years ago on crooner and hooked up again elsewhere. she writes poetry... she also makes deadly edits. here goes.

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Re: arhi ff: without you... chapter 22, page 30, updated 29/4

Post by indi52 on 2013-12-23, 08:54

Maria J wrote:
indi52 wrote:
Maria J wrote:Loved reading this part.. Yay!! finally Arnav is awake.. Heart Heart Party1"



hi maria,

glad you are dancing and leaping. for some reason i can't start message on a fresh slate... so sharing yours. :)

Hugs Indi  long hug 

Nice background music for the thread.. Love it  Heart Heart Heart Heart Heart 

The story is going awesome.. Love ur tidbits at the end too..  Starry Love  Starry Love  Starry Love 

The reason u r not able to quote and reply properly is due to formatting issues.. which can be sorted if u click the Switch Editor mode as scene in the below pic

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thanks, maria, for that tip... might have something to do with my comp too... the office comp seems to get it. and thank you so so much for reading the chapter and liking it.  long hug

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Re: arhi ff: without you... chapter 22, page 30, updated 29/4

Post by indi52 on 2013-12-23, 08:56

romail apa g wrote:Wowww he z awake ...and he got it dat it wasnot an accident ......it was attempt o murder ....wohooo ...asr z back wd a big big bang

hi romail,

good to see you and also so happy about the return of teh oh asr.  :) i am personally a tad hysterical about the guy. bet it shows through too. teehee. see you soon.

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Re: arhi ff: without you... chapter 22, page 30, updated 29/4

Post by indi52 on 2013-12-23, 09:00

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chapter 10




tengo hambre de tu boca, de tu voz, de tu pelo
i crave your mouth, your voice, your hair.
y por las calles, voy sin nutrirme, callado,
silent and starving, i prowl through the streets.
no me sostiene el pan, el alba me descuicia,
bread does not nourish me, dawn disrupts me, all day
busco el sonido liquido de tus pies en el dia
i hunt for the liquid measure of your step.

~~~pablo neruda, love sonnet xi~~~





she still remembered the day he was born. it was late evening, and she'd just finished dinner when maa started to feel unwell. there was no one at home. well, not in their wing at least. pita ji had gone out as usual earlier in the evening. chacha ji had gone with him. when maa said to call rahim chacha and get him to fetch dadi, anjali complied, a panic beginning to sieze her.

she was only seven years old yet she understood care well.

her battle with polio, while strengthening parts of her and giving her a resolve rarely found in a person so young, had also given her a certain vulnerability, a view of life that couldn't turn away from darkness and embrace the sunshine of childhood. 

she'd learned at a young age, life was not fair. 

terrible things could happen. her maa and pita ji had become people she loved desperately; and worried about all the time. even though she was only seven.

when the doctor and nurse came over, dadi tried to take her to her room, but anjali was adamant, she was not leaving maa. and she hadn't. through that long night of labour, ratna mallick had looked out over to the door left ajar, and seen her beautiful firstborn sitting on the sofa in the adjoining room, wide awake, looking toward her mother. every time their eyes met, anjali had smiled. somehow wanting to let her maa know, all was well, she was here. ratna mallick had always been grateful to god for her child, never mind her mother in law's obvious disappointment that it wasn't a boy. to be fair to her, dadi had loved her first grandchild, hiding her disappointment well. and when polio struck, not a person in the house had been less than wonderful about helping little anjali deal with it.

yet ratna knew, both her mother in law and her husband would have preferred the firstborn to be a son, some part of them reserving a higher regard for the male heir. 

it was almost dawn. her mother looked so tired, anjali was nodding off, when suddenly there was a rush all around. hot water, towels, people hurrying. the door between the rooms was closed. anjali sat up and waited.

who was that crying?

she got up with a start.

the door opened, a smiling nurse walked out and said to her, "did you ask god for a brother?"

anjali stared at the woman. how did this stranger know?

you see anjali always knew that both pita ji and dadi wanted a son and a grandson, so what if no one told her. and because she loved them...

but what she did not know was that from the moment she laid eyes on the little bundle with thick black hair and a shriveled up face, tiny little hands, soft cushiony feet, she would fall in love.


***

for almost two months now, she'd feared for her chhotey. what if his eyes never opened again? what if, like maa and pita ji... again and again she'd stopped the thoughts and carried on with the day. trying to be strong. calling upon all the little ways of coping she'd learned as a child. with chhotey around, she'd rarely needed them any longer, he was always there. she'd known her brother to be different, strong, clever, but the way he'd handled things from that night almost 14 years ago, she was stunned by his resilience, his determination, and he'd become even more important to her if that were possible.

if she'd felt the stirrings of a new love when she saw him that first time, he as he grew up and was pampered beyond belief by the whole malick family, had felt a fierce sort of protective love for his di, who took such good care of him, was willing to take the smaller "half" of the chocolate, never complained about the awful tricks he tried out on her, and hobbled along patiently with him wherever he led. the way he looked at it, he was allowed to bully her a bit seeing that he was her one and only beloved fabulous oh so fantastic younger brother, but let anyone else bother her even that much and he'd show them.

ratna malick would watch her children and feel a strange sense of satisfaction. she knew when the time came for her to go, these two would take care of each other. mothers tend to think of such things. though ratna had no idea how soon that day would come.


***

"khushi, it was not an accident... it was that shyam... it was him,"  asr felt a rage exploding. khushi looked at him speechless, how did he...?

"chhotey," anjali's voice cut into the silence that had fallen across the room.

two pairs of eyes spun to stare at her at the doorway. anjali could only see one pair today. she smiled as the brown of them dazzled her. such a lovely colour, better than any other colour in the world, she thought.

chhotey was propped up on pillows, half lying, but his eyes were open... and wasn't that him speaking right now?

she remembered tiny hands, cushiony feet. 

she stood there staring at him. she wished she'd stayed up by his bed the whole time he was not around... 

he watched her with that half smile on her face, a bowl of kheer (had to be) in hand... di. and a thought blew threw his mind, a woman in an other worldly garden sending him home. 

"di," he said softly.

she started making her way to him then, she wanted to close the distance. khushi stood aside as anjali approached, she knew how much the two loved and needed each other, never stopped touching her this crazy love. 

anjali sat by her brother and carefully put the kheer on the table by the bed. then she leaned over and touched his thick black hair, stroking it gently, her eyes looking at him searchingly as though trying to make sure all indeed was well, her little brother was unharmed, whole, here. he let his hand slip into hers. "chhotey, " he could feel the tears in her voice. he pulled her to him and held her close, "nahin, di, don't cry, i am here, see? i have gone nowhere... main kabhi aapko chhorke nahin jaaonga, aap jaanti hain na?"

("no, di, don't cry, i am here, see? i have gone nowhere... i am not going to leave you and go anywhere, you know that, don't you?)

without anything having to be said, siblings sometimes read each others minds. he knew she feared he'd be gone... just like their parents. that she needed him not because she was weak, but because she loved him, and all of her parents' share of love she'd given him over the years. and he knew, it was her love that had kept him sane, given him the will to stay on when maa had gone. two simple gun shots. everything over.

he shivered. she stroked his hair, "shh shh.. chhotey." she knew what memory wracked him just now.

"nannav!" it was nk.

he'd come up from sydney to be with the family, very concerned about his friend, nannav, and his masi. he also wanted to be sure khushi ji was indeed as fine as she kept saying she was on the phone. somehow, nk felt he was supposed to be here when the family was in trouble of any kind. strange. this india was such a strange place. kept sending him smoke signals... down under or wherever he may be. "hai re nand kissore," he started as he recalled khushi ji's aunt, bua ji's refrain. thank g he was not the nand kishore she pined for.

he walked in beaming from ear to ear and went and gave khushi a big hug. he didn't see the look in a pair of eyes at this impulsiveness. asr just did not like anyone touching khushi. that's it. call it backward, unevolved, whatever... but dammit, how dare that nk.

"oh khushi ji, dekho, hamara nannav karma se wapas aa gaya..."

(oh khushi ji, look, our nannav is back from karma.)

"karma nahin, nanhe ji, coma," khushi said automatically correcting her friend, and then realised nk was doing this deliberately just to make everyone laugh. 

anjali smiled at the way nk had fixed her brother's mood. she'd seen that look. she reached for the kheer, he could do with a little bit of sweet stuff now. 

within minutes the whole family was in the room, payal, akash, mama ji, nani ji, even lakshmi ji. everyone was trying to talk at the same time, there were smiles and tears and a slight air of hysteria all around. op decided it was time to serve everyone some tea to cool down with. the nurse tried her best to bring silence and order and failed miserably.

mami ji sat on the bed next to asr, holding his hand. for a change, completely quiet. she recalled two kids whose life was so terribly changed one night. motherless, penniless, homeless. she'd always loved her niece and nephew by marriage, for they'd accepted her for who she was, no questions asked and loved her as their own from the very first day. she knew as the children grew up that her akash was perhaps not as smart as her sister in law's son, just the kind of thing which creates jealousy and discord. yet, manorama had not minded. arnav's regard for her had touched a very fragile young woman's heart, she who couldn't flaunt her lineage and feel a sense of entitlement, who had to desperately claw at and wrest status from an unyielding world. she loved this boy. and he always could feel that. he got her like few others did. and he never judged her. she picked up his hand and gave it a quick kiss. 

nani ji was sitting on the other side on a chair, "chhotey, aap aa gaye... i knew i could trust my grandson," she smiled at him... she had wondered if life was going to deliver yet another unbearable blow, and was she strong enough to take it at this age. if khushi bitiya deserved such a fate. two months... such harrowing days.

nk's phone rang, "hello? yes... yes!" he rushed over to asr with the phone, "nannav, lavanya on the line, tumse baat karna chahti hai..."

asr smiled as he reached for the phone. khushi frowned as she turned away.

she didn't want anyone to see that little funny feeling. she knew there was nothing to worry about. lavanya ji was her friend. and arnav ji had no feelings for anyone but her... still. uff khushi, tu bhi na, she thought, stop being so silly, she admonished herself. lavanya ji kitni achhi hai.


***

he grabbed her by the shoulders as she sat at the poolside potting a plant. his hands were urgent, callouses grazed her skin. he pulled her to her feet, dragged her into his arms and kissed her hungrily. he seemed not to care at all about the soil on her hands, the mess all around. she was too startled to react and then the feeling of his mouth on hers started doing strange things. she couldn't think straight, couldn't breathe. didn't really want to do either. her whole body tensed and strained to get closer, pushing against his, wanting to eliminate all distance between them, wanting just to kiss him back, stay like that as long as... as long as there was... what... why breath of course, she thought through the fog overtaking her brain. more, don't stop, oh when had she become like this? oh was she ever any different... she moved her lips against his. instigating, insinuating, indulging.

the pot lay half filled with enriched soil, the feathery, green and black maidenhair fern stayed in the tiny nursery starter pot waiting to be transplanted. the sun was about to set. he held her tight against him and let the moment stretch. khushi moaned. without a word, he picked her up in his arms, strode into his bedroom and put her down on the bed.

she lay there dazed.

he walked briskly back to the french windows, shut them, drew the curtain, then went to the door leading into the house, bolted it, and started unbuttoning his waistcoat as he made his way back to her. in a second the waistcoat was off and flung on the lounger, he came and sat by her on the bed.

they looked at each other, two people in an island, a moment separated from the continuum of time. here. now. khushi had never known such a place existed. nor, curiously, had he. slanting rays of the setting sun filtered through the cream drapes, bathing the room in a misty delicate light; did she have something to say? did he?

he drew her up and made her sit facing him, she moved without any resistance, melting into the sensation, just feelings all around her. in her. deep inside, flutters in her abdomen, she lifted her mouth to his, eyes imploring... don't stop, don't ever stop, they seemed to say.

with a groan, he started kissing her again. 

her hands went up and cupped his cheeks, pulling him nearer. there was the smell of rich earth on her palms, smell of birth, life, heady, elemental. he inhaled deeply. he could feel her heart racing, he held her wrists with both his hands, the touch of her skin, the leap of her pulse driving him crazy. 

why was she so lovely? 
why couldn't he stay away from her? 
why did he want to see this girl with pompoms all the time? 
why did she make a difference to him? 

he let go of her mouth for a second and bent down to nibble the ridiculous orange pompoms dangling on her quaint puff sleeve, then he lightly bit her upper arm and kissed the bare skin. he felt the shiver, the immediate onrush of goosebumps.

goosebumps spread from that spot to every part of her body, she squirmed and shuddered violently.

he smiled, eyes narrowed in pleasure, in triumph, a glint in their molten brownness, and went right back to kissing her. now slow and sensuous, and tasting, lingering, biting, playing. she lost herself to his urging and prodding again. yes, kiss me, she thought, hold me.

his arms went around her as if in response to her unspoken demand. her kurta covered every inch of her back, yet as his hand moved she could feel their heat. she wanted it so much on her skin, against it, burning her. she moaned again.

as though each little thing from her were a signal for the next, he responded. arnav singh raizada sighed as he started to push her back against the pillows, settling himself against her, in seconds they were lying next to each other, in each others arms, entangled. their lips locked, her hands stroked his shoulders, his back, his arms wrapped around her tighter still. her dupatta pulled against her throat, choking her slightly, she winced.

"what happened? what happened, khushi? are you ok?" arnav knew something was wrong, and panic gripped him. he stared into her eyes worried.

she wondered at that instant panic. "kuchh nahin... kuchh nahin.. yeh dupatta..."

he acted swiftly, tugging her diaphanous dupatta off her neck. then he threw it away from them. it flew away in a chiffon swirl... khushi was stunned, her dupatta meant many things to her, most of all a covering for her body, a protector against prying eyes. in lucknow, in delhi, there was no dirth of the filthy gaze... she saw her dupatta land on the lounger over his waistcoat. a hundred thoughts went through her head. this was not right. how could she. how could arnav ji... no... she looked up and saw his darkening warm chocolate gaze, she heard a need in his laboured breath. "khushi" he whispered... she lay back again, helpless before everything she felt, her desire growing red and hot around her ears. her feelings for him threatening to burst her heart. he watched this beautiful woman struggle with a moment and succumb.

an emotion overcame him. he held still looking at her lying there. no resistance, no demands, ready for whatever this was leading to. his... if he wanted her.

how could he hold himself back. her eyes were soft and innocent, her lips sumptuous, ready to give, and she lay there waiting for him. he felt again a surge of ridiculously intense emotion, knocked him out a bit, he swallowed hard. then buried his face in the nape of her neck, kissing a trail up her shoulder, her long, swan like neck, all along the taut muscle from somewhere near her collar bone to the back of her head... she arched her neck in pleasure, his hand explored her body, covered in her gota lined kurta and churidar. he knew no one had done this before, he knew this was not what she would ever do unless... unless... 

he didn't want to think any more. tenderly he kissed her eyelids, his hand felt for hers and held it tight then tugged it over his chest to his beating heart. he wanted to feel her soft fingers on his skin, right there, feel his life force. she let her hand remain in his and waited as he slowly kissed both lids.. the tip of her nose. her stomach churned and emptied out at that, she clung to his hand.

he rolled over till his body lay across her, his free hand shot out and rested on the bed, so he could balance himself above her; his eyes roamed her face, desire on his, he lowered himself upon her, letting his breath play against her cheek, delaying the kiss, wanting to feel her impatience.

their lips met. passion again. she was drowning in it, he was lost. the sun sank further into the ocean, the room grew dark, the silence was interrupted by the sound of hastening breath.

how she managed to roll out from under him she'll never know. where she got the strength from would always remain a mystery. her entire being wanted to take this quest to its end, though she had no idea what that might be. all she knew was she wanted to go there. that's all.

yet her thoughts said, "no, this cannot be."

the herculean struggle between thought and craving lasted excruciating moments. her fevered hands slowed down, her lips went still. seconds later, she was out, pushing herself away from him, to the far end of his large bed, with its brown satin male air, soft white egyptian cotton sheets in the folds of deep brown silken covers. coffee and cream. so darkly tempting. she closed her eyes. 

he looked at her perplexed, disoriented. still on a high.

"khushi?" gentle, velvet voice, "darling, what happened... are you scared?"

she looked back at him without a word for an instant. she was loathe to open her mouth and say the words. why was life like this? why was it so unfair? how would she live without... ?

"nahin, arnav ji, yeh ho nahi sakta..." soft, firm voice.

"ho nahin sakta?" in an instant rage sparked, nostrils flared, "kyun? what the hell are you saying, khushi! stop playing games."

she snatched a shard of his anger and shot back, eyes smouldering, "hum koi khel khel nahin rahe hain... khel toh aap rahe hain... hum sab ke saath... lavanya ji ka kya hoga, arnav ji?" you are playing the game... with all of us. what about lavanya ji. the words seemed to tear into him.

the colour drained from his face. he had forgotten lavanya.


absolutely, completely, utterly.

khushi picked up her dupatta, adjusted it across her shoulders, there was a bruise where his fingers had rubbed hard when they held her with that exhilarating demand. why, why was it like this?... she wanted to run back to him. to be held in his arms, her head on his wide warm chest, his energy pulsating around, the smell of his cologne and skin mingling, making her forget everything.

she looked at him silently, then turned around and left the room, closing the door behind her.

***

a man he'd never seen before was standing at the door. tall, distinguished looking, an air of authority and calm about him, salt and pepper hair, dark intelligent eyes, a little smile hovered on his lips.

"hello, mr raizada, welcome back," deep, sonorous voice, something very pleasant about it.

"doctor verma, " anjali practically jumped up from the bed where she was still sitting by him. she beamed at the man, eyes shining, "haan, doctor, chhotey is back."

asr watched his sister's reaction, so this was his doctor, and how nice to see her smile at someone like that. but wait a minute, why was di smiling like that?

when they shook hands... yes, the doctor felt that was the appropriate way to greet a young man who'd fought so valiantly... asr liked the quiet strength in the hand, something clean in that shake. 

dr verma succeeded where the nurse hadn't. within minutes, the room was back to calm, the family having been persuaded to leave the patient alone for a while. he needed rest. 

asr lay back with his eyes closed. he was tired.

khushi could feel an angst in her. surely she wasn't worried about that call from lavanya... no, it was really all of all this, everything.

arnav ji was back... this was over... but yet, hadn't he just said he knew it was shyam? and so many days... 

unable to sit still, she got ready to thank davi maiyya for his safe journey back. where were the flowers? ah here. she picked up the match box to light the diya. she struck a match head against side of the box. nothing. strike. strike... she was just not getting this simple thing, really. strike once more.

"stop feeling so terrible," he whispered as he removed the box and match stick from her hands. he had left the bed and walked up to her quietly. she was so torn, she'd not heard him at all. 

"arnav ji, aap... you should not be standing," she said laying her head on his shoulder.

"come" he said, and led her to the bed. they lay down next to each other, he drew her into his arms and closed his eyes, she let her eyes watch him as long as they could remain open. at last the excitement, the tension, the up and down of emotion, all of it caught up with her, and her eyes shut.

asr smiled ever so slightly. he could feel her breath settle. his thought moved swiftly, "shyam, don't think you'll get away with this."

***

that day after she'd walked out of the room, he'd left the bed and gone outside. it was almost dark, a light breeze played on the water. he'd sat by it for hours. how could he do this? how could he forget lavanya? what was happening to him. he had to talk to lavanya. and he had, to had to stop this feeling. he couldn't let a girl do this to him. even if she had ridiculously cute pompoms, even if she felt so right, so perfect when he held her.

arnav singh raizada had long shunned the idea of love. he had no way of telling how it felt.

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thank you, everyone, for reading. my dear friend sunshine80, who is always chhotey to me, has done that scintillating heart stopping edit on top. i shamelessly asked her for it, she gave without any questions asked. she calls me ranisahiba he he. please do let me know what you thought of this chapter. while i write about a beautiful love, there is no doubt that the relationship of anjali and asr is crucial to this man and his life. this aspect of asr, his complete love for his family makes him even more undeniable as a character. sexy as hell but couldn't give a damn for anyone other than himself and his lover feels mean and unexciting somehow. two words i could never associate with asr. and khushi i believe was all woman, not just "achhi bahu." she was ready to be all a woman could be, even if it meant facing her not so "achhi" side. the spelling of achhi always confuses the h out of me. please do leave a comment, i love to hear what you think.

 


Last edited by indi52 on 2014-01-16, 05:26; edited 3 times in total

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Re: arhi ff: without you... chapter 22, page 30, updated 29/4

Post by indi52 on 2013-12-23, 09:40

um... think i need help. unable to set font instructions and stuff like that. keeps doing what it pleases... was hoping to make the font size larger for the chapter update... but alas alas.  :* emb*: is it my comp? can't figure out.

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Re: arhi ff: without you... chapter 22, page 30, updated 29/4

Post by Maria J on 2013-12-23, 14:06

Loved it Indi... I'm liking Mami and Dr. Verma.. They way u described what Mami felt for Arnav was too good.. The way Arnav noticed Anjali's happiness and assessed Dr. Verma was another favourite.. Do post soon.. Thanks for the awesome Christmas gift.... U have made my Christmas even more beautiful..

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Re: arhi ff: without you... chapter 22, page 30, updated 29/4

Post by romail apa g on 2013-12-24, 12:51

it is beyond amazing ....a complete ipk charm and not to forget d parallel story line ....i m soooo loving it ......just incredible

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Re: arhi ff: without you... chapter 22, page 30, updated 29/4

Post by indi52 on 2014-01-16, 05:06

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chapter 11


yumeji ni wa
ashi mo yasumezu
kayoedomo
utsutsu ni hitome
mishigoto wa arazu

though i go to you
ceaselessly along dream paths,
the sum of those trysts
is less than a single glimpse
granted in the waking world.
 
~~~ ono no komachi~~~


there were fights, practically ever night. pita ji's voice rising, sharp, rebuking, cutting. sobs from maa sometimes, sometimes just a quiet resolved tone. they could never hear the words clearly... just feel the night voices ricocheting against their hearts. the din reaching above the music. pita ji liked listening to classical music, western, hindustani, sometimes music from south america... there had to be something playing every night... no matter how late he'd come home.

fear and a suffocation would fill her. she'd clutch chhotey, often awake and listening just like her, and soothe him, "so jao... sab theek hai, everything is ok..."

she remembered a night when the disagreement had reached a more violent pitch. she was alone in her room, sixteen or seventeen at that time. she had tried to drown the noise out with a pillow over her ears, her heart was pounding, her feet itched to run and break down the door and somehow reach maa... she couldn't breathe.  chhotey walked in from his room, sat by her, removed the pillow and held her hand in his, he looked into her eyes and said, "di... di, it's ok, it's ok... don't worry, it will be alright, main sab theek kar doonga..."

when did you grow up so much, she thought tearfully as she looked at chhotey sleeping now. the coma was over, she couldn't believe it, was he really back?

when she saw khushi ji sitting quietly at the temple praying to devi maiyya, she'd come into the room to be with him alone for a few minutes. it was almost 11 at night, she'd better get to bed. she stroked his hair and was about to turn, when his eyes opened all of a sudden and he looked at her. what was that in his eyes?

why ... "chhotey?" she bent down urgently, but not before he'd sat up and thrown his arms around her waist, burying his head against her. "di..." his voice was hoarse, "maa..."

he needed to tell her about his mother, he had seen her after so so long, yet he had no idea what words to use, how to speak about it. are there end points of time? does one ever get to cross them? where was maa? where was he? but they were both there that's all that he knew...

maa? anjali held her brother tight. she remembered her feeling of maa in the kitchen earlier in the day. she held him tighter. and the tears came.

when khushi walked in, she found them like that. she felt her own feelings rise and overwhelm her once more. three orphans in a room struggling to take on every rap, every responsibility of life, no one who's never been to that place will ever know how it feels not to have even one parent. and that too from a time they were so young

***

"nahin, nahin, nahiiin, nahin denge hum!" khushi was running all over the room, the suv keys dangled from her right hand held aloft... asr raced after her, he wanted the keys, dammit.

"khushi, stop behaving like a kid.. give it to me... NOW, i said.."

the brusque tone did little to quell his determined wife, she leaped onto the bed to dodge an angry young man who was looking rather neat in brown trousers, buttoned down waistcoat and dazzling white linen shirt, narrow grey tie smoothly knotted.

she tripped lightly over the bed, jumped down and out she ran of the room, laughing and declaring:

"aap office nahin jaayenge, doctor sahib ne kaha hai, aap ko araam ki zaroorat hai. haan hum mantey hain, araam haraam hai... " she struck a funny pose by the pool, lecturing her non-existent audience, and then resumed with the escape, running to the other side.

"phir bhi... mr arnav singh raizada, aap not going office, understand?" she was breathing heavily, thanks to the chase and giggling.

("you are not going to office, doctor sahib has said, you need rest... ahem i aver, yes rest can be no good... but still, mr arnav singh raizada, you not going office, understand?")

asr was irritated and in a hurry and in no mood to lose. he cut in smartly into her path as she came rushing from the other side, caught hold of her with the intention of wresting the keys, but he'd miscalculated the momentum of a flying khushi.

it carried her... and him. straight into the pool.

together they tumbled into the water, fully clothed. he came up spluttering, on a "what the!" hissed out through gritted teeth. she was still laughing. but when she saw his face the laughter disappeared.

"what're you doing!! paagal ho gayi ho kya? are you MAD?" he shouted, water flying off his face, hair, ears, everywhere as he jerked his head vehemently with every word. sunlight glinted off the droplets.

she looked at him, worried and scared, but from the corner of her eyes she could see the water catching light; memories came raining... that first time they met in sheesh mahal... the day she'd tricked him into doing the pehlwan thing at the neighbourhood "gym"...

his eyes were dark and angry, yet all she yearned to do was tiptoe up and kiss them. so compelling those caramel dipped eyes. and that chiseled jaw line, the column of his neck, the obstinate thrust of his chin.

she stared at him without a word.

"khushi?!" his voice softened... "what's the matter? tum theek ho?"

"ha...aan, arnav ji, aap theek hain? are you ok?"

he looked at her ruefully, what a state. he started to see the humour of the moment. here he was, fully dressed for his first day at work after an endless three month away. the autumn/winter collection was upon them. he was excited about getting back to ar, to design, to the thrill of the new collection; then there were the collaborations akash had been talking about.

he'd chosen his clothes with care, a crisp white shirt after ages, his favourite browns, a tie from zegna, sometimes they still did such nice stuff; he admired fine workmanship, intuitive design. and then he'd slipped his feet into brand new boots from hermes, oh they fit him just fine... he wanted to feel a sense of winter, albeit it was only september.

now everything was wet, submerged, limp, and not very trendy.

he felt a rumble deep in his stomach... laughter shook his frame. he guffawed loudly, eyes crinkling.

khushi couldn't hold back anymore. she stood on her toes right there in the pool and kissed him on the chin. then leaning forward she pressed her lips to his cheek bone and kissed him hard and quick. 

he looked at her and with a little pull tugged her right into his arms... "mrs khushi kumari gupta, " he paused...

"singh raizada," said she completing without thinking.

he smiled, he loved to hear her do that..."you have to pay for this... do you know how much my shoes alone cost? and they were absolutely brand new."

"pay? nahin, aur aapko kisne kaha woh mehenge hermees joote pahen ne ko!"

(pay? no, and who told you to where those expensive hermes shoes!)

his cheek rubbed hers, scratching her tender skin with his stubble, he murmured "hermees?... really? and which brand is that?"

her eyes were closing with pleasure but she quipped back, "it's my brand, samjhe aap... i don't care how you say that word, for me it's her...mees! bas."

"khushi!" his voice said things that never failed to thrill her.

"haan?"

he looked at her twinkling gray green eyes, her perfectly arched eyebrows, sparkling innocent skin, that off centre plait, which he always had an urge to pull... then untie and watch her hair drape over her back, her shoulders. and those incorrigible bauble like pompoms... the ultimate fashion magnate's wife, he couldn't help but smile.

and he could never look at her for this long and not feel a little sense of gratitude...

"come, shall we look at the sky together," he said as he lay back with his arm around her, they floated on the cool rippling pool, looking up at the wide blue sky.

white woolly clouds sailed across. somewhere there were stars shining.

"khushi," he turned and kissed her ear, mercurial as ever. then he was up, she was in his arms, and he was striding out of the pool.

"arnav ji!" she yelped.

he set her down on the edge, pulled himself out of the pool in one clean haul, picked her right up again and into the room. without stopping he walked to the bathroom...

"nahin, arnav ji, doctor sahib ne..."

he shushed her protests with a timely shaat up khushi kiss, and in minutes was peeling off his wet clothes while she stood there speechless. didn't take him long to get to her sopping wet churidar suit. dripping fabric clung on, refusing to slide off, a little struggle, a pull, a push, and khushi could feel her breath going haywire.

"c'mon, mrs raizada, you don't want to catch a cold," he said as he briskly pulled her under the shower, and let the warm water cascade all over them. he turned off the water and dried her with a soft large turkish towel, "better not leave your hair wet," he pushed back her hair from her face then his fingers trailed down, his thumb traced the hollow of her neck. water glisten there, he rubbed it gently, just where her pulse beat suddenly faster; his thumb ventured along the muscle that stretched from collar bone to ear, stroking, massaging, driving her a little crazy. a warm little kiss in a ear. she wriggled involuntarily.

"arnav ji," she wanted to scold him, but it came out a little throaty and not at all threatening.

"yes, khushi?" asked he innocently, cognac eyes laughing; determined none of doctor sahib's recommendations would be followed... "you want me to stop?" husky, velvet voice. velvet that's been stroked the other way.

khushi wished her dhakdhak would stop, so she could say what she wanted to. then she heard herself whisper, "nahin, arnav ji, nahiiin..."

***

he was driving furiously toward her home. his head throbbed, blood pounded at his temples. his jaw was set, anger everywhere. he clenched his teeth and pressed hard on the accelerator.

how dare she.

when she'd left suddenly with that accusation that he was playing a game with the whole world, with her. with lavanya ji...

what about lavanya ji... she'd cried out.

he'd lain there stunned.

yes. he had forgotten lavanya.

how could he.

he sat by the pool, eyes fixed on the water, thoughts crashing through him. what was he doing? why was he letting this girl get so close? so close that he forgot everything? even his girl friend.

what sort of a man was he becoming? no. no. not like his father. he couldn't breathe. he buried his face in his hands... 

he'd tried hard to stay away from khushi since the day he'd lost all control and kissed her. right here it was, and she was so lovely in her uncertainty, her desire...

this afternoon when he'd walked into the house and lavanya and khushi were in the drawing room, he'd hesitated for a moment. should he go in and check on her? he'd hurt her the evening before he knew. he could still see her eyes numbing as he gave lavanya the necklace she liked and asked her to see how it looked on lavanya.

why? why did he do things like this?

then he'd heard lavanya say, "wow! khushi, that's beautiful... kisne diya... awww, how cute, you're blushing, tell me, did your boy friend give it to you?"

boy friend? he thought, no, khushi kumari gupta has no boy friend...

"nahin, woh, shyam ji..." he heard her say.

shyam ji? he wondered, who was that? the only shyam he knew was his brother in law and it couldn't be...

"shyam ji... yes, your shyam ji, jinke saath aaj tum shyam ko bahar ja rahi ho... jo tumhare...!" lavanya was laughing, exaggerating the shyams... shyam ji, yes, your shyam ji, with whom you're going out this evening... the one who's your...!

"haa..aan," khushi sounded hesitant, uncomfortable, "lavanya ji, chhoriye hamari baat, come let me pot this lovely plant which you want to give arnav ji for your... kya hai wo...?"

"anniversary," lavanya beamed, easily distracted, "yes, i met asr exactly one year ago... thanks, khushi, for suggesting and picking up the plant for me... very clever, you always know what he likes... my smart secretary and now my dear friend..."

he hadn't waited to hear any more. he could feel himself go cold and then hot all over... so she was going out with someone. a man. shyam ji.

he could feel an emotion surging through him. all he knew was he wanted her and he wanted her right now. so he'd come and found her here, potting that plant.

no thought... just a need.

how could he allow himself to...? his hands balled into a tight fist. he had to talk to lavanya. he couldn't go on doing this. this was not right. "i am right, main sahi hoon," his mind said. he closed his eyes and waited for a feeling to settle.

he had to tell lavanya it's over.

he sensed a sort of calm coming over. he had taken a decision.

"asr!"

he started.

lavanya was standing by him.

"are you ok?" she asked. when he kept quiet, she sat down next to him on the deck chair and laid her head on his shoulder...

"lavanya... i..."

"oh, asr," she flung her arms around him, "i am so happy..." he wondered how he'd tell her.

"sooo happy, " she continued, "for khushi..." he stiffened involuntarily... "she's engaged, you know... to her shyam ji."

everything went red. a loud banging in his ears.

he felt as if someone had kicked him in the gut. he stopped breathing almost. all emotions drained away. a terrifying blank.

into  that, he heard himself say, "lavanya, let's get married."

***

he reached her place, just as she turned the corner on her scooter. she'd gone to the temple before coming home. terribly disturbed. not wanting to see anybody till her thoughts had straightened out a bit. why had she let arnav ji go so far with her? why did she want him to? why was she behaving like this? why was...?

and she looked up to see him reversing to park. he turned at the very same moment and saw her.

without a word, she swung around her scooter and rode away. she couldn't, couldn't see him now.

he swore and changed gears, following her. she accelearted her little chariot and sped as fast as possible, but she was scattering... losing her concentration, wobbling every now and then, she almost rode off the road once, but she was hellbent on not stopping, not meeting this man again.

he could see her losing it, her scooter not quite as steady as it ought to be. he slowed down, but stayed on her trail. he would meet her today, no matter what.

neither of them noticed the large truck lumbering up, suddenly it was almost upon her.

"khushi!!!" he screamed. his hands gripped the steering wheel, he hit the brakes.

she'd managed to veer to the left at the last minute and somehow stop her scooter. the truck driver cursed as he passed by. she sat on her bike trembling, something exploding in her.

again his hands grabbed her shoulders, "what are you doing? pagal ho gayi ho kya?!!! are you mad? tumhe kuch ho jata toh...? what if i lost you! what if i lost you dammit!!!" his voice had risen in panic, in terror, he was shouting.

she looked at him and wondered why he so shaken. why did he care? she felt the need to assert herself. enough of him doing as he pleased. what was that he did with the necklace yesterday? and then today...

"what would have happened if i'd been hurt... or even if i'd died, for that matter??" she shouted back "aap ko kya faraq padta hai?!!"

what difference would it make to you?

he looked at her incredulous, "mujhe kya faraq padta? mujhe faraq padta!!! mujhe faraq padta hai kyunki... kyunki..."

and he couldn't finish that sentence. he was going to marry lavanya.

he'd come to tell her that she was wrong, she was a fine one to talk when she had made love to him despite being engaged to another man. he wanted to tell her she was the one playing games... he wanted to berate her, tell her she was galat... wrong.

now he couldn't say a thing.

the anger roared out of nowhere and made him its own. he stormed to his car and came back, carrying something. he picked up her hand and slammed it on her startled palm.

a little pink and brown plastic purse.

she looked at it without comprehension. where did he...? and even as the night of sheesh mahal began to return, his voice deafened everything.

"stop leaving your things all over the place, especially in my room... do you understand? how dare you? how dare you judge me?  before you judge me, look at yourself once, khushi kumari gupta. are you the sweet innocent girl you think you are...? and before you get the wrong idea... don't think some rich man was sitting clutching your purse to his heart pining for you. get this straight, once and for all... you mean nothing to me. nothing... aur tumhare aur mere beech jo hua, uska koi matlab nahin... koi matlab nahin."

he stopped for a second, struggling it seemed with something, then he went on,

"congratulations, khushi kumari gupta on your engagement, and i will let lavanya know how happy you were to hear she and i are getting married."

when he was done, he turned and walked away.

she sat there shaking.

he drove off before she had started her scooter.

he didn't look back, he didn't see the tears streaming down her face.

and there was no way she'd ever know he was on the road for hours and when he finally parked the suv and let the torrent come, there were only dry sobs echoing in the car, the tears lay too deep within.

***

she snored gently as he got ready once more. when he was done, he gave her a quick kiss on her forehead and left for office.

di stood at the doorway with her aarti plate, he smiled resignedly and let her do her thing... he didn't believe in all this, but he felt a certain comfort in knowing some things will never change. nani ji and mami ji walked him out, pretending to be in some desperate need for a walk, a health thing they assured him. they knew chhotey hated fuss, so...

when he reached office, again a tempered but obvious excitement in the air. boss was back. his peon ran after him with his bag, aman came over with the files... it was a good feeling to be back, he thought, feeling himself relax. akash wondered if bhai wanted to take a look at the collection right away. pam and sim simpered, yeah he thought, as an eyebrow went up... some things really never change.

"in a moment, akash, " he said and asked to be left alone. in the quiet of his den, he put his head down on the back of his chair and closed his eyes for a second.

what was that music in his head? strains of western classical. he shut his eyes tight, blocking out the sound.

he dialled a number on his phone, "mr roy, this is arnav singh raizada... yes, thank you... yes... mr roy, please call the agency, i need to know everything you can find out about shyam manohar jha. yes, he's out on bail... and mr roy, this is confidential, share the information wth no one except me."

he put the phone down and got down to work.

"you will always be safe with me, khushi, i will keep you safe."







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i do hope you enjoyed the chapter... have no idea if things are working out or not. fingers crossed all the time. on a trip with asr and khushi, let's see where we go, bit of an adventure really. thank you very much to all of you for reading. do leave a like and a comment, tell me what you really think. and i usually reply to your comments, please do take a look later.


Last edited by indi52 on 2014-03-26, 21:35; edited 4 times in total

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Re: arhi ff: without you... chapter 22, page 30, updated 29/4

Post by Shegarf71 on 2014-01-16, 05:55

indi52 wrote:
Shegarf71 wrote:Dearest Indi,
What an update and so worth it!Loved your take on his coming back from a coma!And yea this is ASR and woh Jo bhi karte hain...whatever he does is his own...  Heart And thanks to your special touch to their love story,how magical it seems!Wow and the power of those edits!Nice job,Katelyn! Brazil ki soccer team...  :P absolutely loved it!

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All I really wanna do is make love to you
Stay in your arms my whole life through
No one can blame me
If that's all I know for sure...

All I really wanna do is say your name
Use my breath for nothing but the same
Now tell me baby
That you really love me too

All I really wanna do is feel your touch
It doesn't matter if I see heaven as much
Next to God is only
When I spend my time with you

All I really want is to see your face
Your precious smile and quiet grace
No I don't wanna
Live in this world..Without you....

SHEGARFS...dedicated to Without you..by Indi
meenakshi,

this poem is just spellbinding. thanks so much so much. may i please add it to without you? 

i am glad you are enjoying... without you is a slow tale, as i wrote on IF, not enough sex, a bit too wordy, ponderous at times, i am glad if anyone reads it. i notice dwindling likes... but i have this love for without you... i want to stay with it, go where asr and khushi seem to want to go... thanks so so much for bothering to read and oh i love your poems... this one for my story... mmmm. such a good feeling.

i just added the poem to chapter 18, the latest... heres' what i wrote... 




adding on 23 december...




feel lunatically happy at times. like now. friend of mine read chapter 9 on another forum and sent this. this is where asr retrns from coma. felt like a christmas present for without you. am posting here. have fun. shegarfs and i met years ago on crooner and hooked up again elsewhere. she writes poetry... she also makes deadly edits. here goes.

Dearest Indi,
Uff...my poem on your Story?! Mujhe kya mil gaya..I can't even express!!I'm so glad you loved it!Can I say spellbinding is this story,it explores the minds of its characters and there lies the beauty of your words..they set the scenario so clearly that one can't help but go through the emotions.... I'm overwhelmed.. Thank you for making my poetry special!  Kiss 

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Re: arhi ff: without you... chapter 22, page 30, updated 29/4

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