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Can wives in a polygamous marriage be friends?

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Can wives in a polygamous marriage be friends?

Post by ---Khushi--- on 2014-05-04, 21:23

Since the time I got hooked to JA, I've often wondered about rivalry between wives in polygamous marriages. Not just those of a monarch, but in general.


Instead of affording their wives the priceless blessings and opportunity to enjoy the uniqueness in marriage, aren't women in polygamous marriages  forced to compete for their husband's affections, his attention and love for the rest of their lives? With the fear of becoming the loser, don't these women live in a deep sense of insecurity? Doesn't polygamy actually stand in the way of the pledge binding husbands and wives? Doesn't it also corrode the natural alliance and sisterhood of women because they got to endlessly struggle for the same man??? Esp when so many wives, like Akbar's, are living under one roof. Isn't it suffocating?


Whether the wives see each other or not, I don't think it completely does away with the rivalry. Wives in polygamy compete for the attention, love and affection of their 
husbands in many ways, even in the bedroom.  A wife wants to be the more seductive and the most desired wife.


Can wives who live in a polygamous marriage be friends? Could they be sincere friends with each other when they are rivals? How easy is it for two women to be friends when
 they try to find out what she thinks, what she likes and does not like and how she interacts with the husband. Information allows a person to gain the upper-hand.  What 
are the thoughts going on in the heads of those rival wives when they communicate 
with each other? 


A few random opinions of wives from polygamous set ups:


1) "It deals death to all sentiments of true womanhood. It enslaves and ruins a woman. It crucifies every God-given feeling of her nature. She is taught that to love her husband as her heart prompts her to do, and to feel the natural jealousy that comes from seeing 
her husband marry another woman, is wicked, and springs from her innate depravity; 
that she must crush out and annihilate all such feelings."



2) "How can a wife have those holy and tender feelings which should always be associated with the marriage tie, and which are inseparable from a true union, when she can speak, and to all appearances calmly, of her husband's having gone to stay with some other woman?' What ideas of home love and home associations can children have who talk about 'father's week at the other house,' and who discuss freely which woman is his favorite, and why she is so, and which woman's children he is most indulgent to, and provides for the best?"



Your opinions, please...












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Re: Can wives in a polygamous marriage be friends?

Post by aishakapoor on 2014-05-04, 21:32

true...but it depends on each human being dude....i mean each woman....there are still men who have 2-4 wives and yes of course they do have rivalry..but in certain cases they actually do live together happily!!
in case of jodha akbar...salima doesnt have rivalry with any1!! accepted tht she is a widow but she is still wife of akbar....and most of the woman in the harem of akbar are under political clause or they are won by war....or by any other causes...as far as i know rukaiyya sultan begum was the only one of akbar wives who was married to akbar by his wish...even though he was just 10 when he got married to her...rest all were mostly came under one or the other reasons mentioned above!!

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Re: Can wives in a polygamous marriage be friends?

Post by ---Khushi--- on 2014-05-04, 21:34

aishakapoor wrote:true...but it depends on each human being dude....i mean each woman....there are still men who have 2-4 wives and yes of course they do have rivalry..but in certain cases they actually do live together happily!!
in case of jodha akbar...salima doesnt have rivalry with any1!! accepted tht she is a widow but she is still wife of akbar....and most of the woman in the harem of akbar are under political clause or they are won by war....or by any other causes...as far as i know rukaiyya sultan begum was the only one of akbar wives who was married to akbar by his wish...even though he was just 10 when he got married to her...rest all were mostly came under one or the other reasons mentioned above!!
Agreed....but do u think that Ruqs & Jodha can ever be friends?....

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Re: Can wives in a polygamous marriage be friends?

Post by vinitaj27 on 2014-05-04, 21:49

I believe in today's scene rio it's impossible but in those days it could have been possible. I only say this coz the world of women in harem was constraint. They didn't have a life outside of it and spent 24 hrs within the palace hence it's obvious to make friends and confidants in there but I guess it was only true in cases where either the two wives were not enjoying too much of the emperors attention hence being in the same boat or were confident of their roles in his life like salima n jodha. I believe it would have been impossible to live ur whole life in one place within the four walls with other women and not make friends. I don't know why but it reminds me of the hostel life where we had groups, close friends and girls we hated, all because we did live together in one building 24 hrs and were not allowed to step out of the hostel. Rivalries existed but so did friendships.

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Re: Can wives in a polygamous marriage be friends?

Post by aishakapoor on 2014-05-04, 22:42

---Khushi--- wrote:
aishakapoor wrote:true...but it depends on each human being dude....i mean each woman....there are still men who have 2-4 wives and yes of course they do have rivalry..but in certain cases they actually do live together happily!!
in case of jodha akbar...salima doesnt have rivalry with any1!! accepted tht she is a widow but she is still wife of akbar....and most of the woman in the harem of akbar are under political clause or they are won by war....or by any other causes...as far as i know rukaiyya sultan begum was the only one of akbar wives who was married to akbar by his wish...even though he was just 10 when he got married to her...rest all were mostly came under one or the other reasons mentioned above!!
Agreed....but do u think that Ruqs & Jodha can ever be friends?....
of course they can....like i said it depends on each person how they consider the relationship to be...
jodha considers her relationship with jalal to be only theirs....as in jodha knows the fact tht her place in jalal's life cannot change.....ruks also knows tht her place in jalal's life will never change only difference is ruks considers tht only begum-e-khaas can have a RELATIONSHIP with jalal and no one else can....tht is her problem which she needs to solve....
leave jodha if any other woman would have been close to jalal she would still have had the same feelings....lets face it...there have been times when ruks hated maham also bcuz jalal considered her more important!!! hppy

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Re: Can wives in a polygamous marriage be friends?

Post by mandygi on 2014-05-04, 23:21

i do not think a very healthy relation is possible..in the show whatever ruq is experiencing is very normal, for her to accept jodha as her husband's beloved will be the most painful acceptance, but she will have no choice but to live with it! in polygamy the first one feels the deepest hurt but the ones that trail after, maybe the lower ones who do not get much importance after being used a few times might become sukh dukh waali friends and gang up against the most privileged one but again we cannot call that a healthy friendship..jealousy in such type of atmosphere is unstoppable! indeed a sad scenario!

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Re: Can wives in a polygamous marriage be friends?

Post by sandhya on 2014-05-05, 00:59

mandygi wrote:i do not think a very healthy relation is possible..in the show whatever ruq is experiencing is very normal, for her to accept jodha as her husband's beloved will be the most painful acceptance, but she will have no choice but to live with it! in polygamy the first one feels the deepest hurt but the ones that trail after, maybe the lower ones who do not get much importance after being used a few times might become sukh dukh waali friends and gang up against the most privileged one but again we cannot call that a healthy friendship..jealousy in such type of atmosphere is unstoppable! indeed a sad scenario!
Of course Ruqs reaction is very normal. Even our always-uchith and never-anuchith Jodha Devi was jealous of Ben when Jalal started showering more attention on her, even before she knew that Ben was Zehreeli Doshiza.  The moment Jalal withdraws attention from Jo, she starts feeling very bad. So Ruqs, after having enjoyed his exclusive attention for more than 10 years will react like this only.

And Salima is no yardstick, Jalal is her shohar just by name.

As for the general question, if that is the norm of the society, then friendship is possible if all the wives are open minded and the man knows to balance. But if he enjoys uskaofying them against each other like our Jalal for fun, then friendship is only a distant dream.

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Re: Can wives in a polygamous marriage be friends?

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