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Take5:Hilarious 5-April 29th and 30th

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Take5:Hilarious 5-April 29th and 30th

Post by rock&roll on 2014-05-05, 10:53

Hi all  long hug 
Just realized that I hadn't posted my take 5 of 29th and 30th april..sorry guys...I know its a bit late but here goes nevertheless


Take 1 :Colours of Love
Shehnaz enters Jo's room  riding  her usual emotional roller coaster. At any time during a day you would find shehnaz  in only  one of two emotional states, the depths of misery (sad paagal) or the heights or happiness(happy paagal). Today she is in her happy paagal mode...
In Happy paagal mode Shehnaz laughs for 10 seconds after speaking for 6 seconds..This way she ensures she completely makes no sense and  can still say anything she wants to .Briliant strategy.Today she   tells Jodha that she has been very very stupid.If Jalal had told this  to Jo ,she would have rewarded him by taking the next flight to Timbuktoo thus effectively ensuring that  Jalal rides a horse nonstop to Timbuktoo. But Shehnaz  gets a pat on the back for her effort. The  perks of  being called crazy or paagal.
Encouraged by this appreciation Shehnaz proceeds to ask Jo "Tumhare Mohabbat ka rang pheeka kyon pad gaya
Meaning :why did u get a "Mohabbat" without a colour guarantee. One should always  check that the colour of her Mohabbat is fast ,otherwise  the colour runs  on the first wash(jhagda)of "Mohabbat" making it rather unrecognizable.
Anyone know which place sells colour guarantee mohabbats..Plz order two for me.

Take 2 :The Hidden Man
Not to be outdone in the choices for dialogue of the day Jodha throws in a gem"Hum unke bheetar ke purush ka saamne nahin karna chaahte"..Jodha begum,are you secretly implying that Jalal is not a man on the outside??I can tell you that IF will implode if people as much as get an inkling of your hidden intentions.Anyway,never mind..That is for Jalal Crazy IFians to sort out..Mera kaam tha batana...woh maine kar diya

Take 3 :Its Magic
Now  if Jodha is  a hunar ki khan,shehnaz is a hunar ka kamra..Jalal would've fallen head over heels for her hunar,had he only seen them.Shehnaz can make P.C.Sarkar look like a second std kid performing card tricks. Shehnaz now proceeds to convert Jodha's dil,Mohabbat and the shehenshah Jalal into  a green colour handkerchief and present it to Jodha,all in a magical nano second.Now,is what what they call "packing a punch".
As u are  gasping in awe at this prodigious talent's ability  and as Jo is seriously contemplating if it would be in her best interests to let the shehenshah remain as a hanky in her hands, shehnaz moves to part 2.Taaliyan,The lady is not done yet...She insists that Jodha smell the hanky henceforth whenever she misses the shehenshah. But hankies are used to clean dirty noses, why use it for smelling?As Jodha smells it and u  watch horror struck wondering if the shehhenshah turned handkerchief would now morph into a safety pin for Jodha's saree. the Cvs end the  scene  and the camera shifts to toy Town.Phew...That was close...

Take 4 :Toy Town
Mr and Mrs Noddy are discussing important sultanat affairs.Mr Noddy decides to share his troubles with Mrs Noddy and stands up.But at that precise moment the cat gets his tongue and all he can do is move his mouth up and down like a goldfish gasping for air. By some magical intervention Mrs Noddy understands every word of what he was trying to convey and chalks out his strategy for him. Mrs Noddy gets the Take 5  award for being the best mind reader of Agra

Take 5 :Swift Justice:
Jalal is at his kangaroo court again.I  am willing to bet that Jalal is a wannabe lawyer who holds kangaroo court proceedings for entertainment. Today MA is the accused.Jalal plays the double role of  prosecutor and Judge.He brings in witness:1-Dilawar who is asked to stand and stare dumbly at MA for a full two minutes.He is not allowed to speak anything. Obviously the staring establishes something,because Jalal wears a triumphant look on his face after DA exits. Next witness plz...Boy,that was fast. 
A spy enters the room and MA and Jalal try staring him down.Jalal additionally threatens him with immediate death if he doesn't give an answer that is favourable to Jalal.The spy cracks up and reveals how MA put him in a black box and asked  him to lie about Sujamal. Jalal immediately pronounces MA guilty of conspiracy and of trying to separate Jo and him..

If only justice in Indian courts could be like this...Call two witnesses & threaten them and pronounce the accused guilty..The accused will then confess to the crime(since he is anyway going to be punished,he will want the satisfaction of at least gloating before dying) ..Very very gud idea..let's send it to the Parliament for approval 

Logic:The logical voice of the person viewing the show begs to ask a question here.The spy's statement only proves that MA lied about Sujamal's whereabouts.DA's empty stares proved nothing.Now how is MA suddenly guilty of conspiracy and how is it proved that she knew that a Rajvanshi,let alone Sujamal,entered the palace?But anyway,petty things like logic should not be considered for justice,I guess

Take 6 :The defence:
Realizing that Jalal will not provide her with a lawyer the shrewd MA becomes her own lawyer.She reminds Jalal of all the things she did for him as a kid "I bought huggies diapers for u,I gave you cerelac,I bought spiderman toys for you, I played ringa ringa roses with you ,I taught you to walk(sorry MA,this is  a natural process.He would have learnt it anyway).I taught you baa baa black sheep and you are calling me the black sheep? "Running out of points,MA decides to piggy back on Bairam Khan's achievements too "Bairam Khan ne tumhe ghode par ghumaya.He could have been killed for this you know"& U sent him to Mecca without water? Well,Jalal could have sent him to Switzerland if he wanted ,but Bairam Khan might not have been interested you know .But MA goes on tirelessly" And u are now planning to send me to Mecca without water? "Jalal makes a mental note to give her a bottle of Bisleri water on her next Mecca trip

rock&roll
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Re: Take5:Hilarious 5-April 29th and 30th

Post by rock&roll on 2014-05-05, 10:54

APRIL 30TH TAKES


Take :1 Job openings
The scene opens with MA looking like a cross between a vampire,dragon and Dracula. She glares,stares,hisses and stops short of spitting fire. Evil or Very Mad  Evil or Very Mad Jalal gives her a long speech about the reason for his judgement and then gives her the ulitiamte sazaa"I will not call u badi ammi". Shocked Really..will that even have an impact on her?Anyway,the good thing is that this announcement has opened up two new job avenues in recession hit Agra. Clap 
 
1)Post of badi Ammi is vacant.Anyone with Nirma white clothes,Lakme iconic kajal eyes ,Revlon red colour stay lipstick who can whisper "Mahamangaa""Mahamangaa" every 10 seconds and whose  brains are in coma can apply. nty Ability to start  hamming at a two second notice is an added advantage.Hating Jodha Begum is a prerequisite for this job. Twisted Evil 
2) Astrologers are required to suggest new names by which Jalal can address Maha Manga. hppy 
 
Take 2:Milkman
 
Jalal is standing at his favourite spot: Near the weighing machine.He is explaining to a stunned Ruqaiyya that he has a doodh ka rishta with MA Rolling Eyes  Rolling Eyes After scratching her brains Ruqaiyya understands that this means that the same type of Amul double toned milk flows  through Jalal and MA's veins. Wink The problem(as Ruqs sees it)is that if Jalla needs a milk transfusion,he will find it very difficult to get a donor match,coz MA will no longer be available. No  No 
 
Take3:Laws of motion
As Ruqs confesses to Jalal that she knew about the Rajvanshi,Jalal pushes Ruqs and she falls on the weighing machine.But Newton's third law says"every action has an equal and opposite reaction" Rolling Eyes  Rolling Eyes  Rolling Eyes True to this Ruqs bounces back with the same force and reaches Jalal's feet
 
Take 4:What's my name..What's my name..My name is...
Jalal emotionally confesses to Salima begum that he feels like an orphan No  No  No .SB takes this literally and asks him"aapka naam kya hai"...  Rolling Eyes   SB.,for God's sake..that's not what he meant.  Evil or Very Mad  But SB persists.."What's ur name",she asks."Jalaluddin Mohd",he says sceptically ...Wrong answer she announces Bang  Bang ...Jalal who is already feeling low is now on the verge of suicide confused   when he realizes that he has to start from scratch.He has forgotten his name.Shethen  grandly announces"Ur name is Shehenshah Jalaluddin Mohd"..Since when did Shehenshah become part of his name? Rolling Eyes Ruqs looks at Jalal thinking"Maine sach bola to dhakka mila..usne itna bada apmaan kiya to use Thank you bol rahe ho" Bang 
 
Take 5:Let's take a break
Jodha is holidaying with Shaguni bai and Ambe Maa in the Alps.Looks like Kanha had to take a month off to go the doctor for a severe and persistent migraine. Sick  Shaguni Bai has brought her hockey stick and worn grandma's overshampooed and underconditioned wig for their holiday Party1 .She is also wearing a necklace of sea shells that she collected on the beaches of France and Spain. Nice souvenir .She tells Jodha that she will soon have to go to Agra.But she can't go by herself.Ambe Maa wil fix an appointment with Jalal and inform Jodha. scratch  scratch She just needs to pack and be ready.  
 
Did you notice??? 

  • SB adds Jo begum's name to every advice she gives to add credibility to it. Evil or Very Mad 
  • When  crying Ruqs start crying,Jalla stops crying too..Nice technique to get him to stop going boo hoo hoo  Clap 
  • Wise words: In response to Ruqs question of what will happen,SB says "I don't know what will happen in the morning.But this night will be tough for Jalal" Kinda obvious ,ain't it Lady? 
  • MA is meditating in a corner  and when Adham khan comes in she reacts  like Menaka(Adham) has destroyed  Vishwamitra's Tapas... Evil or Very Mad  Evil or Very Mad 


Last edited by rock&roll on 2014-05-05, 11:12; edited 1 time in total

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Re: Take5:Hilarious 5-April 29th and 30th

Post by rock&roll on 2014-05-05, 11:01

Can anyone tell me how I should change the font problem that is appearing in my takes?Why am I getting  this thing about size before and after every para.
.It is spoiling the fun of the takes ..Plz let me know whow to edit it  

Also am unable to edit post 1 but am able to edit post 2...aisa kyon....Post 1 aur post 2 ke beech itni partiality kyon :)

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Re: Take5:Hilarious 5-April 29th and 30th

Post by --sumana13-- on 2014-05-05, 11:33

rock&roll wrote:Can anyone tell me how I should change the font problem that is appearing in my takes?Why am I getting  this thing about size before and after every para.
.It is spoiling the fun of the takes ..Plz let me know whow to edit it  

Also am unable to edit post 1 but am able to edit post 2...aisa kyon....Post 1 aur post 2 ke beech itni partiality kyon :)
Rock& roll thank you for this hilarious post my dear ...
Every point you mentioned had me ROFLing with laughter 
Thanks my dear 
 ROFL  ROFL  ROFL  ROFL  ROFL  ROFL 

About the formatting problem please tell ke are you thru mobile/iPad /lappy ?? 
Please select the entire first post .. Remove al formatting by selecting your text >>pressing the. A0 button (next to A )in the  tool bar >>and reformatting the text ..

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Re: Take5:Hilarious 5-April 29th and 30th

Post by Sanchu on 2014-05-05, 11:39

rock&roll wrote:APRIL 30TH TAKES


Take :1 Job openings
The scene opens with MA looking like a cross between a vampire,dragon and Dracula. She glares,stares,hisses and stops short of spitting fire. Evil or Very Mad  Evil or Very Mad Jalal gives her a long speech about the reason for his judgement and then gives her the ulitiamte sazaa"I will not call u badi ammi". Shocked Really..will that even have an impact on her?Anyway,the good thing is that this announcement has opened up two new job avenues in recession hit Agra. Clap 
 
1)Post of badi Ammi is vacant.Anyone with Nirma white clothes,Lakme iconic kajal eyes ,Revlon red colour stay lipstick who can whisper "Mahamangaa""Mahamangaa" every 10 seconds and whose  brains are in coma can apply. nty Ability to start  hamming at a two second notice is an added advantage.Hating Jodha Begum is a prerequisite for this job. Twisted Evil 
2) Astrologers are required to suggest new names by which Jalal can address Maha Manga. hppy 
 
Take 2:Milkman
 
Jalal is standing at his favourite spot: Near the weighing machine.He is explaining to a stunned Ruqaiyya that he has a doodh ka rishta with MA Rolling Eyes  Rolling Eyes After scratching her brains Ruqaiyya understands that this means that the same type of Amul double toned milk flows  through Jalal and MA's veins. Wink The problem(as Ruqs sees it)is that if Jalla needs a milk transfusion,he will find it very difficult to get a donor match,coz MA will no longer be available. No  No 
 
Take3:Laws of motion
As Ruqs confesses to Jalal that she knew about the Rajvanshi,Jalal pushes Ruqs and she falls on the weighing machine.But Newton's third law says"every action has an equal and opposite reaction" Rolling Eyes  Rolling Eyes  Rolling Eyes True to this Ruqs bounces back with the same force and reaches Jalal's feet
 
Take 4:What's my name..What's my name..My name is...
Jalal emotionally confesses to Salima begum that he feels like an orphan No  No  No .SB takes this literally and asks him"aapka naam kya hai"...  Rolling Eyes   SB.,for God's sake..that's not what he meant.  Evil or Very Mad  But SB persists.."What's ur name",she asks."Jalaluddin Mohd",he says sceptically ...Wrong answer she announces Bang  Bang ...Jalal who is already feeling low is now on the verge of suicide confused   when he realizes that he has to start from scratch.He has forgotten his name.Shethen  grandly announces"Ur name is Shehenshah Jalaluddin Mohd"..Since when did Shehenshah become part of his name? Rolling Eyes Ruqs looks at Jalal thinking"Maine sach bola to dhakka mila..usne itna bada apmaan kiya to use Thank you bol rahe ho" Bang 
 
Take 5:Let's take a break
Jodha is holidaying with Shaguni bai and Ambe Maa in the Alps.Looks like Kanha had to take a month off to go the doctor for a severe and persistent migraine. Sick  Shaguni Bai has brought her hockey stick and worn grandma's overshampooed and underconditioned wig for their holiday Party1 .She is also wearing a necklace of sea shells that she collected on the beaches of France and Spain. Nice souvenir .She tells Jodha that she will soon have to go to Agra.But she can't go by herself.Ambe Maa wil fix an appointment with Jalal and inform Jodha. scratch  scratch She just needs to pack and be ready.  
 
Did you notice??? 

  • SB adds Jo begum's name to every advice she gives to add credibility to it. Evil or Very Mad 
  • When  crying Ruqs start crying,Jalla stops crying too..Nice technique to get him to stop going boo hoo hoo  Clap 
  • Wise words: In response to Ruqs question of what will happen,SB says "I don't know what will happen in the morning.But this night will be tough for Jalal" Kinda obvious ,ain't it Lady? 
  • MA is meditating in a corner  and when Adham khan comes in she reacts  like Menaka(Adham) has destroyed  Vishwamitra's Tapas... Evil or Very Mad  Evil or Very Mad 

oye rock & roll..............a big big hug frm me.................. long hug  long hug 
& about ur post...i can;t type...as i m laughing badly........ hppy  hppy  ROFL  ROFL  ROFL  ROFL  ROFL  ROFL  ROFL  ROFL  ROFL  ROFL  ROFL  ROFL

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Re: Take5:Hilarious 5-April 29th and 30th

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